Apocalypto

You think after the Mel Gibson incident that they would have renamed this movie M.G.'s Apocalypto. I'm shocked that they put his name in such large letters above the title of the film. I guess what they say is true, "even bad publicity, is good publicity". Critics have hailed this movie as an astonishing portrayl but for me it was a journey through mediocrity.

The movie is definitely well-written, well-acted, and well-directed. The issue I had with the movie was the ending. I'd say I was going to rate the movie pretty highly until the last 10 minutes of the movie, which I rated poorly. So if you average those out you get mediocrity. Which is too bad too, because the ending could have easily been redone to make the movie great, earning it a 8.5 out of 10 from me.

I know all of the other critics have all touched on it, but the movie definitely is very gorey and very graphic. It's like National Geographic crossed with the surgery show from TLC. Between Touristas and Apocalypto, I've learned more about human anatomy than my high school biology class ever taught me.

Rating: 6 out of 10

The Nativity Story

If you want flash, grand special effects, glitzy dance sequences, or a roller-coaster suspense movie, don't see this film. If, however, you are searching for a simple and fresh telling of an age-old story, this movie will pleasantly surprise you. The entire strength and power of this film relies heavily on the realistic portrayal of not only Joseph and Mary, but also of their friends, family, and community around them. Directors Catherine Hardwicke, Harvey Harrison (II), and Andy Lumsden put every effort into what could be called no less than a labor of love. It is a very new perspective on seeing what happened right before the birth of Jesus, which has not typically been done.

Every scene, every detail of each shot was done painstakingly to take the viewer into the world and what it must have been like to live 2000 years ago. No running water, no smooth highways, or McDonald's - basic survival was a great accomplishment in such harsh times. What softens the movie is the portrayal of the transformation of Mary. From a mischievous teenager into a young woman, she manages the pressure of being the mother of someone so important quite gracefully. Joseph also is believable with an understandable initial denial, feelings of betrayal, and finally acceptance into his destiny. The relationship development between these two into a loving, supportive and giving one is a wonderful process to watch. Despite very real emotions of any expectant parents, they struggle physically and spiritually to get by through the challenges that are forced upon them. You can identify with every feeling they encounter. And yet, you feel somehow comforted, knowing these two modest, fundamentally good people were selected for the job of a very special parenthood.

This is a definite must-see for this time of year. If you get caught up in the chaos and stress that can be Christmas during this holiday season, take a couple of hours and relax to remember what we are truly celebrating...the joy that is in the ultimate, priceless gift of love.

Rating: 8.5
by Red Rob, the Guest Critic

Turistas

This movie was like watching a combination of MTV's Real world mixed with Eli Roth's Hostel. The movie has great beginning where a bus driver speeds along a small, mountain road making our tourists very uncomfortable as he flies around the corners. Then their worst fear comes true as he swerves to avoid hitting some people and sends the bus to the edge of a cliff where the passengers have to climb out of the windows before the bus tumbles down the hill. The rest of the first act involves the tourists finding a hidden beach and club where they drink and dance the night away.

Act II is not as standard as far as college-kids-get-murdered plots go. They have a freaky encounter in a small time and befriend a man who takes them to their death. Along the way they go cliff diving, swimming, and spelunking (like I said, not your normal slasher flick). Act III is just the stuff a typical horror movie are made of as they dissect, fight, and run from the captors. The finale takes place underwater and is so-so. At least they don't throw in a stupid ending where they set it up for a sequel.

The movie all-and-all was like a poorly done remake of The Descent (which I enjoyed a whole lot better). This film was still well made, had decent actors, and had some unconventional elements in the plots. All of these things help make the movie at least enjoyable to watch.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10.

The Fountain

Well, the critics had a field day with this one. I don't think I've read very many reviews where the critics gave this movie a postive rating. They all said the same things: great acting, horrible story. Well I would beg to differ. I would even go so far as saying that this is the best film of the year (for me at least).

Now I know this is one of those films that I really enjoyed but that I know most of you will not. So without getting to far into this review I'm going to recommend that you not see this film. I think I only like this film because I have seen far too many movies and my perspective of what is a good film and what is not is not the same thing as what I think people will enjoy and what they will not. So you have been warned, you will probably not like this film.

I, on the other hand, thought the story was beautiful and touching. I love the story of the past, because it was written by his dying wife, and her dying wish was for him to finish it. That's very touching to me. I like the conflict in the story of the present, because it talked about what is really important in life and what we need to put our energy into and our focus. And then the metaphysical aspect of the movie, though a bit off from the rest of the film, was still very beautiful and visually stunning and did try its best to tie the rest of the story together.

I believe that Darren Aronofsky is one of the greatest new directors to Hollywood, and my hope is that he will continue to breathe new life into the stagnant movie landscape.

Rating: 9.5 out of 10

Deja Vu

Tony Scott is the only director that could have made this film a good one. His unique style of choppy, fast-paced editing made this film extremely entertaining. Any other director would have turned this film into another version of Time Cop (which is on my top 25 list of the worst movies ever made). Denzel also helped make this film good by brining his effortless acting abilities to the film.

The plot was unique even though time travel has been done over and over again. Tony Scott was able to bring some unique twists into the story that kept my attention through the whole film. Although not particularily complex or thought-provoking, the time travel was introduced to take a rather bland plot and spice it up.

Val Kilmer was used like an extra in this film. Is his career done altogether? He hasn't been a star in a blockbuster since "The Saint", 10 long years ago. Adam Goldberg did a great job in the film providing the much needed comic relief to Denzel's dry style.

All and all, great directing, great acting, and a entertaining story.

Rating: 8 out of 10

Casino Royale

Other than the first black-and-white scene and the opening credits, I thought the new bond was superb. Daniel Craig did a great job of stepping into the role. In my humble opinion, he was a far better Bond than Peirce Brosnan (although I have to give Golden Eye the props it deserves). And when I say better, I mean he is a better actor. Brosnan was just too clean and to pop to fit the rough and suave Bond role.

I do have a couple of negative comments about Craig. He walks funny. He walks like a male model on a Project Runway. He also makes funny expressions with his lips. It reminds me a lot of Ben Stiller in Zoolander. Other than that though, he plays out the dialogue and action sequences very well.

Great directing and great script. Better title than "Casino Royale with Cheese".

Rating: 9 out of 10.

Happy Feet

This is a great movie for the kids. I mean, how could you go wrong? It has adorable penguins singing and dancing to a cornucopia of different pop music classics. I can tell you one thing, this isn't a movie that I would want in the house. I couldn't imagine how torturous it would be to have to hear these over and over and over again. Barney was bad enough, The Wiggles even worse, but this would drive me to absolute madness.

One of the interesting things for me were the topics the movie addressed. From social acceptance, stereotyping, environmentalism, utilizing your creative abilities, dissent and going against the norm. This movie was cram packed with various moral and social issues. It was a stark contrast; on one side you had brainless dancing and cuteness and on the another you had an intellectual feast. One thing I know for sure, this movie just inspired millions of kids to grow up to be environmentalist. Which isn't a bad thing, but it probably won't help the push for more oil drilling in Alaska.

All and all, an alright movie. Great for the kids, so-so for the adults.

Rating: 3 out of 10All and all, an alright movie. Great for the kids, so-so for the adults.

Rating: 3 out of 10

Let's Go to Prison

This movie is just like The Shawshank Redemption except it doesn't have good writing, good acting, good directing, moments of true inspiration, and isn't enjoyable in the least bit. The only use this movie could ever serve is for Frat parties where everyone has to drink when there is a reference to prison sex.

And all of that is very disappointing since it was directed by a man bordering on genius: Bob Odenkirk who gave us Mr. Show and was a pivotal writer in the early showcase of Conan O'Brian. The man is a comedic genius but I guess his talents should be reserved to writing and not to directing.

Overall, this movie was harder to stomach than eating broken glass.

Rating: 1.5 out of 10

Borat

$110,000,000, need I say more? I bet no one was expecting this little mockumentary to cash in. The fact that so many people are seeing this movie is a true testament that a well-done, socially insightful, witty, and well-written independent film can make it in America. I hope this inspires the studios to take a risk on more non-Hollywood formula films. I hear they have already signed on for another film with one of Sacha's other characters from his HBO show.

Warning: this movie is highly offensive, about as unpolitically correct as you can get, and as shocking as they come. It is also at the same time very insightful, socially poignant, and extremely on-spot. If you can't identify satire and sarcasm, then this isn't the right movie for you. Definitely not for the young and impressionable. But Sacha definitely shows that we still have a ways to go in addressing racism, homophobia, and sexism. It shaming and embarrassing how some of the non-suspecting Americas react and speak to what Sacha approaches them with. I enjoyed the film because it is a clear reminder how absurd and ignorant it is to single out race, gender, sexual orientation, and the such and how much we as a society have compartmentalized ourselves into our own small boxes.

I don't think I've ever simultaneously winched and laughed so much while sitting through a film before. Other than maybe South Park: The Movie and Team America: World Police.

Rating: 9 out of 10.

Saw III

Saw III is almost identical in every way to Saw II. So whatever you thought of Saw II, is what you're going to think of Saw III. Same director, same cast, same writer. For all I know they just pieced together some edited out footage from Saw II and slapped a new title on it.

I thought Saw II was mildly entertaining. Basically the Saw movies, much like the Final Destination series, is just an excuse for a dark writer to find creative ways to kill people. Saw III was no exception, but at least it had more a spine running through the movie to keep it together. Centralizing on one character's journey through redemption was much more entertaining than with Saw II, throwing a bunch of people in a house and slowing killing them all off. So that made the film more captivating.

My surprise with the Saw series has always been the well done script and the acting. The biggest disappointment has been the directing. Although the first two films had decent directing, this third installment was hideous. And I can't figure out why since the director was the same for Saw II. Maybe it wasn't so much the directing as the sound folly. Though the crunching and the munching of bones was disturbing, it didn't seem to be well-blended into the flow and motion of the camera work. Sound folly is very important in modern day horror flicks, so I something I can't place my finger on is missing from this film which left me with an incomplete feeling.

Listen, you don't really need a review of this movie. You know what kind of movie to expect, and it delivers on just that.

Rating: 7 out of 10

The Prestige

Bordering on absolute brilliance, this movie could have been in my top ten had a few elements of it been re-written. It was everything that The Illusionist was not: intriguing, strong of story, and well-acted. Christopher Nolan is one of the great new directors for this decade.

The acting is superb. Bale and Jackman plays a very convincing roles of obsession. They both do a great job of creating the tension between the two characters. The story is also superb, though I would have re-written key parts of the movie to make the ending stronger. But it all comes down to the direction. Nolan is a master at bringing emotion and psychology into his films. If it wasn't for the escalating emotion that fueled each of the characters this film would have been more hollow than the plot to any Lindsey Lohan film.

Rating: 8.5 out of 10

Flicka

How many more of these little girl with horse movies do I have to sit through? Dreamer, Black Beauty, Racing Stripes, etc. This movie had very similar themes to all those movies. Stubborn child won't let the untamed creature go because they are so alike in spirit. So the little girl bonds with the horse, tames the wild spirit, and they become close. The father disapproves and wants to either sell the horse or put it down. In the end, the horse helps the little girl grow up emotionally and then they win a race or rodeo together.

Although it didn't work well for me, the movie is good enough to hold the attention of a little kid. The story moves along a good pace and the director throws in enough crazy horse scenes to keep the kiddo entertained. All the male actors need more lessons and all of the female actresses are ready for bigger and better things. The direction is mediocre and has no style of its own.

Rating: 3.5 out of 10

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

Well, I didn't go to this movie expecting a romantic comedy or an Oscar-worthy drama, I went in expecting a lower-budget, more-disappointing sequel to the remake of the remake of the remake. This movie has been remade more than Joan River's face (come to think of it, Joan River's face and Leatherface are starting to strike an amazing resemblance to one another). It was surprising to see that this movie wasn't a poorly made sequel: it had the budget, the acting, and heavy-hitting direction that made the last TCM memorable.

I guess I should throw a warning out there that this movie is not for the faint of heart (Dick Cheney). Nor is for those with weak stomachs (Houdini, more a stretch than the Cheney reference, but some of you will get it). The movie's only real talent is in its foley sound work (post-production sound effects). Stadium-style surround-sound speakers really enhance the bone-crushing hammer blows and the whirring shrill of chainsaw blades severing through a dense bone. Highly disturbing? Yes. Entertaining? Questionable, but like a car wreck you'll probably find yourself either rubber-necking the accident or immediately leaving the theater.

Rating: 7 out of 10

Open Season

They have been cracking out animated features like a Pez dispenser; one right after another, all nearly identical, and sweet at first but quickly getting old. That about sums up Open Season. If you have a short term memory like my son, then it will seem fresh and exciting. But if you are a jaded movie goer who has had to sit through the same film/different title hundreds of times like I have then you start to lose the oohs and awes of films long since passed.

Not to say that the film is bad. Martin Lawerence is great as usual, adding his own unique humor and personality to the main character. And even though I detest him like the plague, Ashton Kutcher does an admirable job as a comic relief side-kick. That's all Ashton will side-kick, standing in the shadow of Demi Moore. The closest he'll get to an Oscar is if he makes a guest appearance on Sesame Street (you'll get it on the way home).

The animation is impressive in the movie. There is a very surreal, rich dimension to the environment that makes it more whimsical and fun. The story is strong enough to keep the movie going. The characters for the most part are lovable and funny. It's just the same thing we've seen again and again.

Rating: 5 out of 10

Flyboys

The movie soars with dazzling special effects, but it didn't fly high enough to avoid crashing its budget into the ground in a blazing inferno. This is yet another example that shows that no matter how much money you set aside for stunning special effects, you've still got to have a good story, good acting, and good direction or your movie's going to flop like a sumo wrestler off a high dive.

Let's start with the dialogue: cheesy, corny, predictable, fake, hollow, meaningless, wasted, cliche. The acting is mediocre, but not nearly strong enough to balance the sucking power of the weak story and flat characters. Everytime they flew into battle I never once thought "Boy, I hope he doesn't die". I felt so little emotion for each of the characters that they could have just as well have been cardboard cutouts flying planes (and the dimension of their acting about the same).

The movie was drawn out far too long. You had a fleeting romance that didn't connect with the heart of the film. You had more time spent on the worthless characters that you didn't care about then the characters that might have had a story to tell. Basically, you spend most of your time sitting patiently through the dramatic elements just waiting for the next dog fight. And I have to admit, the dog fights were very well done. Wait for DVD and just skip to the action.

Rating: 4 out of 10

Jackass: Number Two

Who would have thought that they would have made a sequel? Who would have thought that this movie would gross nearly $30 million on its opening weekend? Well, I've been proven wrong twice now.

The first Jackass was completely ridiculous, like watching a non-stop barrage of frat hazing rituals. The second Jackass is more of the same, and if you can believe it, more over-the-top and extreme. I haven't winched and grimaced watching someone else pain since they ran a crotch-hitting marathon on America's Funniest Home Videos.

It's remarkable what people are willing to do for money. But money they've got. With a $30 million opening weekend, I'm sure this movie will easily climb to the $100 million dollar mark which would match it with The Notebook, Ray, and Million Dollar Baby. Scary, huh?

If you're the kind of person that likes the show, the movie will blow you away.

Rating: 8 out of 10

Jet Li's Fearless

Fear is not the same as respect. That is the central theme of the film which is a solid enough theme to build a strong spine for the movie to run off of. We follow the main character's journey from ignorance to understanding, and from arrogance to maturity. The morals of the story are simple enough, and are presented in a straight foward and easy to understand method. Which is interesting (and a bit hypocritical) considering that Ronnie Yu directed Bride of Chucky and Freddy Vs. Jason.

The fight scene were great. I still get sad though when I see wire-fighting. It's a crutch that older martial arts veterns have to use. My style is unedited, no-wires-attached, do-your-own-stunts martial arts action like you get in The Protector. But I understand that Jet Li is past his prime and has to relay on these methods. I'm sure he's paid his dues with countless broken bones and life-threatening injuries.

So with story and martial arts well mixed, the movie is worth seeing. It's a pale-comparison to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon but a great showcase of Jet Li's acting and fighting abilities.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10.

All the King's Men

The saddest element of this story is not the yarn about the potential fall from grace through politics, but rather the splendid cast wasted on a story that plods excruiatingly slow. I witnessed at least a dozen movie-goers walking out halfway, and the man behind me snoring did not help matters much.

I give kudos to the actors who did a wonderful job on a very weak screenplay. Scenes of the post-depression era were depicted very realistic; you could almost smell the desperation and poverty. However, the relationships between characters were not clear at times and I wished I had subtitles to understand Sean Penn's accent from time to time.

Overall, it was disappointing.

Rating: 2 out of 10
by Red Rob, the Guest Critic

The Black Dahlia

What a horrid, horrid film. I wouldn't recommend this film to anyone. I'm a fan of the film noir and when it is done right, and when it is done well, it is one of the most timeless genres to hit the big screen. The detective narration, the femme fatale, and the twist and turns. But Black Dahlia fails where L.A. Confidential succeeded. This film is tired, uninspired, and lacking.

Brian de Palma is like my 7-year-old son going potty, it's a hit and miss. You've got Scarface, the Untouchables, and Snake Eyes are the classics. Then you've got Mission to Mars, Mission Impossible, and Femme Fatale. I think his directing days are up and it's throw in the towel.

The focus of the film, the murder of Elizabeth Short, was like some obscure backdrop to throw in 5 sub plots. I didn't care for either of the main male actors and felt no sympathy for either of them. Not because I didn't like their characters. Their characters were well written, is was because they are horrible actors. Every movie that Aaron Eckart touches turns to crap: Suspect Zero, Paycheck, the Core, The Pledge, Nurse Betty, etc. The list goes on and on. But for some reason, directors keep letting him be in their films. Must be a recognizable face on a cheap budget. When you can't get Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Cruise, or Spacey, get Eckart.

Rating: 1 out of 10

The Covenant

In my opinion, this was a remake of The Craft with males instead of females. The plot, storyline, and chicanery were all almost identical. Even the style of directing was very similar. I didn't like The Craft much, which means that I didn't like this much either.

Hollywood seems to be relentlessly trying to break into the teen-horror landscape for this generation and repeatedly failing. For baby boomers, they had The Hills have Eyes, Texas Chainsaw, and The Exorcist. For generation x, we had a Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, and Friday the 13th. The Millennials don't have squat. They got I Know What you did Last Summer, Scream, and The Ring. These titles will be forgotten faster than David Arquette's screen appearances.

The only reason I even saw this movie was because somehow it managed to take the national number one spot. You know the movie industry is in bad shape if a movie likes this sneaks its way to the top. This movie should have gone straight to DVD in my opinion.

Rating: 3 out of 10

The Protector

To put this movie into the proper context, let me translate the plot into a scenario you can better relate to. Let's say that Timmy's dog, Lassie, was kidnapped by some neighborhood thugs. Then Timmy chased down those thugs and broke every bone in their body, slit every tendon holding their bones together, and then mercilessly killed them, all in the name of Lassie. Well, that's the plot of The Protector. But instead of a boy and his dog, it's a man and his elephant.

To be honest, I've never quite seen such horrific misplaced compassion before in my life. To save his elephant, the star of this movie kills about 47 people, breaks at least 1,417 bad-guy bones, all while having flash backs of the joy of riding in an elephant's tusks. You couldn't have two further extremes in a movie. It's like the Jungle Book meets Resevoir Dogs, like Bambi meets Bloodsport, or like Dumbo meets Kill Bill.

The plot is paper-thin, the characters just as two-dimensional, and the directing is horrific. The editing was the worst I think I've ever seen; it was like an ADHD MTV video editor got a hold of the film. There was an elaborate boat chase sequence that should have played out for at least 10 minutes that was cut down to a minute-and-a-half. Speeding boat, crash, speeding boats, explosion, man gets away in boat.

So needless to say, the only things holding this movie together was stylistic camera work and Jarr, the Thai star of this flick. He's the Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan for the next generation. His stunts are phenomenal and his action sequences are fast and furious. So if you can get past the laughable plot and over-the-top violence to just appreciate the wonderful martial arts styling of the star, you might just find yourself enjoying this film.

Rating: 8 out of 10

The Illusionist

I have been waiting a long time for this film to come out. I love Edward Norton and couldn't wait to see if he had created another memorable movie. Norton has created timeless characters in movies like Primal Fear, Fight Club, Rounders, and The Score.

Edward Norton did a great job in the film but I believe the screenplay was poorly written. The story overall is a good one I just believe it was not well adapted for the big screen. Which is too bad, because with some editing or reworking of the script, the movie could have been superb. But because of the way that it flows, this movie was just average. For me, very predictable and uninteresting.

This is a movie where special effects could have been masterly performed to add to the illusions in the movie. Instead, the director focused more on giving the film a 1930's vintage feel than on focusing on the story itself and how special effects could have added to the mystery of Norton's chicanery.

Overall, average direction, average screenplay, superb acting, and a predictable plot.

Rating: 5 out of 10

Beerfest

My expectations couldn't have been any lower going into this film. Looking at the marquee of movie choices, I was forced to pick from Beerfest or Accepted. Talk about lose-lose. So I went with Beerfest, a tale of competitive binge drinking contests mixed with poignant points of social satire. The film relied more heavily on shock value and middle-school humor then story, characters, plots, and dialogue.

Surprising to me was how much this film was able to make me laugh. I think 'guilty pleasure' is term that best describes what I was feeling while watching this film. The characters were adsurd enough to keep my attention and had some very witty lines. The plot was enough to hold the movie together stealing elements from Rocky and The Karate Kid where you have a training montage that inevitably takes you to victory over your opponent.

I wouldn't recommend this film to anyone over the age of 14 who might have trouble getting in since it is rated R.

Rating: 2.5 out of 10

Snakes on a Plane

The movie has redefined the darkest corners of the Internet with obscure and amatuer satirical sites spinning this movies marketing campaign brilliance. Just do a google image search on "snakes on a plane" and see what you get back.

Overall, the movie wouldn't have even made it straight-to-video if it didn't have the star power of Jackson behind it. Jackson saves this film from darkest bowels of Walmart bargin bin. Other than Jackson and an hour-and-a-half of senseless snake violence, this movie had very little going for it.

I never knew a writer could be so creative with snake attacks but I was proven wrong with this movie. Every sacred body part known to man was viciously attacked in this film. Shock value was the only vechicle driving this movie forward. But I most say, the creativity kept the horror movie and the audience screaming for more.

Rating: 4.5 out of 10

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Exactly what you expect, Will Farrel in exactly the same movie he's done over and over again just with a differnent background. Its like Anchor Man with cars. So if you love Will Farrel and you love all of his movies, then this movie was made especially for you.

We've seen it all before, just done better in some of the other films. The funniest part in the movie is baby Jesus, Walker and Texas Ranger, and Ricky Bobby's daddy, all of which you get a pretty good idea about in the previews to the movie. The movie has enough going for it to keep you mildly entertained enough to make it through the whole of the film, but that's about it. I probably could have held off for the rental to come out on this one.

The most amazing thing about this movie is that it's grossed $90,000,000 on the night I write this. That's a hefty piece of the national deficit that we all could have put a down payment on. That's enough to shelter the homless or to feed a whole nation of hungry peoples. But instead, we blew it on a film that will be forgotten faster than a stoner trying to remember what he just said.

Rating: 3.5 out of 10

Little Miss Sunshine

I wasn't sure what to think going into this movie. Was it going to be a poorly done, mediocre, or spectacular as an independent film? Good news, it's somewhere between mediocre and spectacular. Maybe the word is mediocular or spectaculicre. How about the word great and entertaining.

It's a bit eccentric and not the kind of humor most people attach themselves too, but if it fits your style, you'll love it. Subtle and intellectual, with a hint of social satire and great characters. Well written and directed in a style that adds to the quirkiness of the film, without taking away from it like most independent films try to do because the director tries to put his signature on the directing style. Extremely well acted, especially the part of Olive.

I would recommend this to people who enjoyed Rushmore, Lost in Translation, and Clockwatchers. I would not recommend this to people who liked Dumb and Dumber, Last Action Hero, or any Michael Bay film.

Rating: 8 out of 10

The Descent

This is a heavy hitting horror film that successfully does what The Cave tried so desperately to accomplish and failed. The Descent does an excellent job of closing us in and giving the audience a keen awareness of the claustrophobic space these spelunkers are trapped in. The director also did a good job on the cave dwellers. Instead of going the straight-to-video route with cheap CGI computer creatures, he decided to go with poorly lit live-action monstrosities in costume.

The only draw backs to the flick were the wee attempts at a independent style through cut-backs of childhood scenes intermixed with the movie. The only problems is that these scenes didn't connect to the rest of the film near the end and felt like bits of bone stuck in a perfectly cooked fillet of fish (difficult to pick out and hard to stomach).

But the fine acting and solid story help keep the movie going at an acceptable speed and with the well placed jumpy moments, the film succeeded in its task. I must also note that the end of the film does not connect to the rest of the movie and should have been edited out.

Rating: 8 out of 10

The Ant Bully

I've been shocked at how well this movie has made it through the critics. Based on their comments, you'd think we've got another Toy Story or Finding Nemo. But the reality is, it's far from it. Have we gotten to a point where the eye candy of the computer animation outweighs the story, characters, and dialogue? If so, it's a sad day.

I'm not saying the movie was horrible, because it wasn't. It was just poorly voice-acted and the story was Honey I Shrunk the Kids meets A Bug's Life, not two movies I would put at the top of any list. To me, this movie will be forgotten quicker a thought that enters the mind of the guy from Momento.

Overall, mildly entertaining and some fun use of perspective. Annoying overuse of strong character traights like independance and strong-will as an emotinal offset to the cruel world. I would have rather seem the ants grow large and destroy the boy's home. That would have been a good spin on the shrunken human concept.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10

Pirates of the Caribbean

Hands down the greatest movie of the summer. It filled in the empty hole in my soul that Superman had left. Exciting and fun, great story with great characters, a well written script, and polished off with extraodinary stunts and special effects. I'm a huge fan of the franchise now.

I never thought Disney would be able to pull it off, but they made a great choice in assigning Gore as the director to this series. I think this movie has helped put Disney on the map, though I think Disney himself may be turning in his grave knowing that his vision is being trampled on for the quick buck generated by the mass marketing.

Great for all ages. I can't wait for the third one. Better than the Harry Potter series, just shy of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Rating: 9.5 out of 10

Monster House

I went into this film with pretty low expectations, so when the film turned out to be very entertaining, I came out of the theater a happy person. Great story with an interesting mix of characters kept the movie going a good pace.

The movie was much darker than I expected it to be. Definitely not for the toddler but great for schoolagers. My son enjoyed it. Chowder is definitely the funniest character in the movie playing the bumbling idiot with worst of luck. A fan favorite for the youthful crowd. How can you go wrong with the kids with him hitting himself in the head with a basketball, making fart sounds with his armpits, and oogling over the girl?

The backstory was rich and well explained which you usually don't get from a children's flick and the ending was satisfying (be sure to stick around for the credits). Overall, it reminded me of the fun I had with Beetlejuice and The Nightmare Before Christmas. Very Tim Burtonish.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10

Lady in the Water

M. Night has created what I feel is an excellent story that is well told in a cinematic format. Many critics have slammed this movie like a wrestling move focusing solely on M. Night's arrogance to cast himself in the movie as the writer who will save the world. Yeah, that's pretty snotty of him, but hey, it's still a great story.

Some things to note that will help you enjoy the movie. There isn't a twist ending like his other films, and the movie is a fairy tale. So get ready to suspend disbelief because this story requires a bit of imagination.

The movie also has some quirky social satire and commentary tossed in, which it is able to do with the wide spectrum of characters and the confined space they all live in. The funny in parts that you wouldn't expect it to be. With the mix of a good, strong story, great characters, the balance of comedy and horror, this movie for me was a wonderful experience. I would compare it Unbreakable, which most people don't get, but the one's that did get it, love it.

Rating: 8.5 out of 10

Clerks II

I loved the movie but I'm a little ashamed that I did. The movie definitely is over-the-top with shock humor, but I think the tid-bits of social satire made it stomachable. I'm a huge fan of the original because of the long dialogues that revolve around pointless conversations. And Clerks II delivered a taste of these same themes.

The rant that Lord of the Rings is nowhere near the epic of Star Wars was all I needed to feel satisfied with the movie, but the new characters, thin plot, and cameo appearances kept my interest. Kevin Smith is a accidental genius. He's got something that keeps him going but I don't think he's been able to fully exploit it yet. He's been more hit and miss than blind gunman in a drive-by. Clerks great, Jersey Girl crap, Mallrats great, Jay and Silent Bob crap, Chasing Amy great. I'm going to just start seeing every other film he puts out.

If you like Clerks, then you have to see this film, it's required by law. If you don't, the universe will shallow you whole for throwing off the delicate cosmic balance.

Rating: 8 out of 10

Little Man

I went to see this movie knowing deep down in the darkest recess of my heart that I was going to hate it. But in the spirit of trying to get in as many top ten movies as I can, I went to see it anyway, against my own will. Let's recap: this movie hovered in the number two spot and to date has grossed more than 50 million dollars. The only insight I gained from watching it is now I know that there are at least 7 million people willing to spend $7.00 on average to see flicks that they know are going to suck.

The movie is like the Dyson no-bag vacuum cleaner, it never loses its sucking power. The movie tried to sucker punch the audience with sophmorphic shock humor, but since we've all been desensatized by the Fararly Brothers, nut-crushing blows on American's Funniest Home Videos and the non-stop episodic adventures of South Park, this tactic no longer works.

My theory is that the Wayan brothers have found the magical Hollywood formula for making money off movies. Spend as little as you can in the production, like hiring Saturday Night Live rejects for actors (keep it cheap), keeping the movie short (always less than 1.5 hours), and then spend a small part of your budget on ads showing the best part of the film. And like magic, you spend 1 million, you pull in 50 million, and now you've got enough to make 49 more films with the same formula until you retire next door to Bill Gates.

Let me be perfectly clear, there is no reason to see this film.

Rating: 2 out of 10