Jackass: Number Two

Who would have thought that they would have made a sequel? Who would have thought that this movie would gross nearly $30 million on its opening weekend? Well, I've been proven wrong twice now.

The first Jackass was completely ridiculous, like watching a non-stop barrage of frat hazing rituals. The second Jackass is more of the same, and if you can believe it, more over-the-top and extreme. I haven't winched and grimaced watching someone else pain since they ran a crotch-hitting marathon on America's Funniest Home Videos.

It's remarkable what people are willing to do for money. But money they've got. With a $30 million opening weekend, I'm sure this movie will easily climb to the $100 million dollar mark which would match it with The Notebook, Ray, and Million Dollar Baby. Scary, huh?

If you're the kind of person that likes the show, the movie will blow you away.

Rating: 8 out of 10

Jet Li's Fearless

Fear is not the same as respect. That is the central theme of the film which is a solid enough theme to build a strong spine for the movie to run off of. We follow the main character's journey from ignorance to understanding, and from arrogance to maturity. The morals of the story are simple enough, and are presented in a straight foward and easy to understand method. Which is interesting (and a bit hypocritical) considering that Ronnie Yu directed Bride of Chucky and Freddy Vs. Jason.

The fight scene were great. I still get sad though when I see wire-fighting. It's a crutch that older martial arts veterns have to use. My style is unedited, no-wires-attached, do-your-own-stunts martial arts action like you get in The Protector. But I understand that Jet Li is past his prime and has to relay on these methods. I'm sure he's paid his dues with countless broken bones and life-threatening injuries.

So with story and martial arts well mixed, the movie is worth seeing. It's a pale-comparison to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon but a great showcase of Jet Li's acting and fighting abilities.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10.

All the King's Men

The saddest element of this story is not the yarn about the potential fall from grace through politics, but rather the splendid cast wasted on a story that plods excruiatingly slow. I witnessed at least a dozen movie-goers walking out halfway, and the man behind me snoring did not help matters much.

I give kudos to the actors who did a wonderful job on a very weak screenplay. Scenes of the post-depression era were depicted very realistic; you could almost smell the desperation and poverty. However, the relationships between characters were not clear at times and I wished I had subtitles to understand Sean Penn's accent from time to time.

Overall, it was disappointing.

Rating: 2 out of 10
by Red Rob, the Guest Critic

The Black Dahlia

What a horrid, horrid film. I wouldn't recommend this film to anyone. I'm a fan of the film noir and when it is done right, and when it is done well, it is one of the most timeless genres to hit the big screen. The detective narration, the femme fatale, and the twist and turns. But Black Dahlia fails where L.A. Confidential succeeded. This film is tired, uninspired, and lacking.

Brian de Palma is like my 7-year-old son going potty, it's a hit and miss. You've got Scarface, the Untouchables, and Snake Eyes are the classics. Then you've got Mission to Mars, Mission Impossible, and Femme Fatale. I think his directing days are up and it's throw in the towel.

The focus of the film, the murder of Elizabeth Short, was like some obscure backdrop to throw in 5 sub plots. I didn't care for either of the main male actors and felt no sympathy for either of them. Not because I didn't like their characters. Their characters were well written, is was because they are horrible actors. Every movie that Aaron Eckart touches turns to crap: Suspect Zero, Paycheck, the Core, The Pledge, Nurse Betty, etc. The list goes on and on. But for some reason, directors keep letting him be in their films. Must be a recognizable face on a cheap budget. When you can't get Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Cruise, or Spacey, get Eckart.

Rating: 1 out of 10

The Covenant

In my opinion, this was a remake of The Craft with males instead of females. The plot, storyline, and chicanery were all almost identical. Even the style of directing was very similar. I didn't like The Craft much, which means that I didn't like this much either.

Hollywood seems to be relentlessly trying to break into the teen-horror landscape for this generation and repeatedly failing. For baby boomers, they had The Hills have Eyes, Texas Chainsaw, and The Exorcist. For generation x, we had a Nightmare on Elm Street, Halloween, and Friday the 13th. The Millennials don't have squat. They got I Know What you did Last Summer, Scream, and The Ring. These titles will be forgotten faster than David Arquette's screen appearances.

The only reason I even saw this movie was because somehow it managed to take the national number one spot. You know the movie industry is in bad shape if a movie likes this sneaks its way to the top. This movie should have gone straight to DVD in my opinion.

Rating: 3 out of 10

The Protector

To put this movie into the proper context, let me translate the plot into a scenario you can better relate to. Let's say that Timmy's dog, Lassie, was kidnapped by some neighborhood thugs. Then Timmy chased down those thugs and broke every bone in their body, slit every tendon holding their bones together, and then mercilessly killed them, all in the name of Lassie. Well, that's the plot of The Protector. But instead of a boy and his dog, it's a man and his elephant.

To be honest, I've never quite seen such horrific misplaced compassion before in my life. To save his elephant, the star of this movie kills about 47 people, breaks at least 1,417 bad-guy bones, all while having flash backs of the joy of riding in an elephant's tusks. You couldn't have two further extremes in a movie. It's like the Jungle Book meets Resevoir Dogs, like Bambi meets Bloodsport, or like Dumbo meets Kill Bill.

The plot is paper-thin, the characters just as two-dimensional, and the directing is horrific. The editing was the worst I think I've ever seen; it was like an ADHD MTV video editor got a hold of the film. There was an elaborate boat chase sequence that should have played out for at least 10 minutes that was cut down to a minute-and-a-half. Speeding boat, crash, speeding boats, explosion, man gets away in boat.

So needless to say, the only things holding this movie together was stylistic camera work and Jarr, the Thai star of this flick. He's the Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan for the next generation. His stunts are phenomenal and his action sequences are fast and furious. So if you can get past the laughable plot and over-the-top violence to just appreciate the wonderful martial arts styling of the star, you might just find yourself enjoying this film.

Rating: 8 out of 10

The Illusionist

I have been waiting a long time for this film to come out. I love Edward Norton and couldn't wait to see if he had created another memorable movie. Norton has created timeless characters in movies like Primal Fear, Fight Club, Rounders, and The Score.

Edward Norton did a great job in the film but I believe the screenplay was poorly written. The story overall is a good one I just believe it was not well adapted for the big screen. Which is too bad, because with some editing or reworking of the script, the movie could have been superb. But because of the way that it flows, this movie was just average. For me, very predictable and uninteresting.

This is a movie where special effects could have been masterly performed to add to the illusions in the movie. Instead, the director focused more on giving the film a 1930's vintage feel than on focusing on the story itself and how special effects could have added to the mystery of Norton's chicanery.

Overall, average direction, average screenplay, superb acting, and a predictable plot.

Rating: 5 out of 10

Beerfest

My expectations couldn't have been any lower going into this film. Looking at the marquee of movie choices, I was forced to pick from Beerfest or Accepted. Talk about lose-lose. So I went with Beerfest, a tale of competitive binge drinking contests mixed with poignant points of social satire. The film relied more heavily on shock value and middle-school humor then story, characters, plots, and dialogue.

Surprising to me was how much this film was able to make me laugh. I think 'guilty pleasure' is term that best describes what I was feeling while watching this film. The characters were adsurd enough to keep my attention and had some very witty lines. The plot was enough to hold the movie together stealing elements from Rocky and The Karate Kid where you have a training montage that inevitably takes you to victory over your opponent.

I wouldn't recommend this film to anyone over the age of 14 who might have trouble getting in since it is rated R.

Rating: 2.5 out of 10