TMNT

Who would have thought that a cartoon about humanoid turtles with Kung Fu abilities going through puberty would make for a good show? Seems like a bunch of high, out-of-work 20-somethings put a bunch of random words in a hat and drew them out in this order: Teenage, Mutant, Ninja, Turtles. Hopefully this won't be the method that writers use in the future for coming up with new plots. Who knows, we could end up with: Uni-brow Alien Platypus Senior Citizens, Miniature Angry Gangster Soccer Moms. The combinations are endless. It would be like writing a Madlib screenplay.

Overall the movie was entertaining. The story revolves around an immortal business tycoon who brings back his brotherhood turned to stone to collect 13 monsters so he can become mortal again. Kind of like "Highlander" meets "13 Ghosts". The main plot conflicts revolve around the turtle brothers and their dysfunctional family dynamics.

The animation is solid, the voice-acting is good, and the fight scenes are mixed around to keep the ADHD kids involved through the film. This is a great father and son kind of movie because it appeals to the 8-year-old in all of us.

Rating: 7 out of 10

The Host

Critics have been raving about this film, some calling it a modern day Jaws, other hailing it as the new Godzilla. In my opinion, this movie should have gone straight to the late night sci-fi channel pile. The only thing I really enjoyed about this movie was the first 15 minutes of the film. In it, a sequence bordering on genius flashed across the screen where a sea monster runs rampants through the streets. The rest of the film was tired, poorly constructed, and not worth watching.

The main issue I had with the film was that the plot didn't have a spine to hold it together making the movie very disjointed and incohesive. It tried to mix in too many elements like environmentalism, family dynamics, humor, drama, horror, conspiracy, government miscommunication, etc. (the list goes on and on). The movie should have just stuck with one these theme to stay consistent. Campy horror humor and a creature story for instance. That would have worked great with the characters and creature special effects.

The entertaining elements of the movie were the creature and the witty humor scattered throughout. But these weren't enough to keep the whole movie afloat. The scenes with the trapped kids was engaging as well because it keeps you guessing on what their fate is going to be.

Overall, this movie is not worth seeing and I personally don't understand what all the hype is about.

Rating: 3 out of 10

300

300 is a non-stop action flick from opening to end. In the first few minutes a guy holding a string full of skulls gets drop kicked into a dark pit. In the last few minutes of the film a camera pans out on a battlefield riddled with dead soldiers. For the 2 hours in-between, non-stop battle sequences full of shock and awe. Definitely not a date movie, 300 is a movie full of testosterone and violence appealing to the lizard-part of the male's brain. Original, well-done, and artistically engaging, 300 delivers on the hype that surrounds it.

It works on many layers. The movie intricately weaves CGI computer animation with live-action like no other movie. The screen is a beautifully painted canvas of artistic and surreal images that provide non-stop eye candy. The acting is superb, even though the dialogue is a series of one-liners (but at least they are good one-liners). The action is intense. The direction is second-to-none.

On the other layers, the movie had a lot of emotion shown through suppressed, stoic characters. The political elements occurring in Sparta are very interesting as well. Along with that, there are some well-played "yes" moments in the movie which we don't see too often in other recent films.

Rating: 9 out of 10

Zodiac

This movie is basically a slow-moving documentary of the real-life Zodiac murders. Most of the information for the movie was taken from police case files. If you're looking for a movie with a lot of action, try another film. If you're looking for an accurate account of a horrific series of murders told through the conversations of newspaper reporters and cops, then this is your movie.

I probably would have gotten more depth and content out of a good Zodiac true crime book. But since I didn't want to spend a day reading the book, this movie is good source for the same information. The movie is well done and feels complete, even though they never catch the Zodiac killer. I had a fear that it would be like watching "Silence of the Lambs" with Jodie Foster never finding Buffalo Bill. But it works well. I feel like I know a lot more than I did about the Zodiac murders now that I've seen the movie. I can honestly say that I'm glad I wasn't a civilian or a cop in San Francisco during that time.

Rating: 8 out of 10

Ghost Rider

Being a big fan of comic books turned movie, I was interested to see what they were going to do with this film. Little did I know that it was going to be a horrid mess of a movie that ranks it with such losers as Daredevil, Catwoman, Fantastic Four, The Punisher and Dick Tracey.

The director is lucky he got Cage to star in it. If he hadn't, the movie would have gone straight-to-video faster than a Crossroads starring Britney Spears sequel. Cage does alright as a quirky, bad boy biker. Too bad he had poor directing and an awful script weighing him down.

Ghost Rider is so bad that I wouldn't even recommend it to you on video. Sure the flaming skull head special effects are kind of neat, but its not enough to hold this stinker of a movie up through its entirety.

Rating: 2 out of 10

The Number 23

The movies commercial does a good job of explaining and setting up the premise of the movie. Jim Carrey reads a book and becomes fixated on the number 23. The movie has enough content to keep it going for the full 2 hours and does a fine job wrapping it all up in the end. That's what this movie had to have to be worth seeing, and that's a well-crafted ending.

Jim Carrey does alright. I still see him as Ace Ventura in everything he does. So when he reads the book and imagines himself as a film-noir detective I can't help but laugh and think that his acting range isn't quite that broad. But he is believable in the movie as a man who spirals out of control and goes mad. He's got that mad edge to him in real life. So it wasn't a stretch.

The directing was pretty good considering it was directed by the master-of-suck himself, Joel Schumacher. Joel Schumacher single handedly destroyed the Batman franchise until Christopher Nolan came in and breathed new life into it. Joel's other cinematic masterpieces include The Incredible Shrinking Woman, Bad Company, and The Phantom of the Opera. Although he is not a bad director and he has directed some of my favorite films, the guy is more hit-and-miss than a drive-by shooting.

This one is a hit though and I recommend it. The critics hated it and many movie goers may not be able to stay drawn into the plot. But for me, I had a good time through the main characters descent into madness.

Rating: 8 out of 10

Smokin' Aces

Made in the spirit of Quentin Tarintino and Guy Richie, Smokin' Aces was an alright romp through an hour-and-a-half gun fight. If it wasn't for Jeremy Pivens, this movie would have sucked harder than a Dyson vacuum (I'm running out of metaphors). The only real attribute of the movie that held it together was its cast of characters. Each hit man was unique and well developed. Too bad they didn't get much screen time. It would have been nice to see the movie extended and to see more depth and story played out in the ensemble cast.

Overall it was an exciting, action-packed time. This is definitely a guy movie. You've got T&A, explosions, and a never-ending spray of bullets. If you're looking for a sentimental, soft tale of the intricacies of love then this isn't probably the film for you.

If you liked Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch, Layer Cake, or Confidence then this is the movie for you. Brainless but witty, violent and campy, a movie that delivers on its premise.

Rating: 7 out of 10

Hannible Rising

Thomas Harris is a brilliant author crafting stories that captivate and entertain. His adaptation of his own book into the screenplay was a complete failure of epic proportions. Anthony Hopkins is thespian genius, using his lifelong craft of the act to fully-realized potential as he stepped into the role of Hannibal Lector. Gaspard Ulliel who took on the role of a young Hannibal for this movie was about as a good fit as a square peg in a round hole. He has the acting talents of a cast member from Laguna Beach. It was like watching a high school drama student try to open a Broadway show. Catastrophe would be a kind word to describe this movie.

Directed by Peter Webber who’s only other movie to date is the forgettable "Girl with a Pearl Earring" let us down like we were watching the last episode of Seinfeld. Disappointing, uninspired, cheap, amateur, artist of suck. So you take bad acting and a weak director, mix in a poor-adapted screenplay and you get a crap cake.

Rating: 1 out of 10

Reno 911: Miami

This movie was like a bad remake of Police Academy. Sure there are some shock value gems spread sporadically throughout the film, but not an hour-and-a-half worth. Sitting through this movie was like sitting through five, commercial-free consecutive episodes of the show, which is four episodes too many.

The directing was awful. The script was poorly constructed with no spine to hold it up, dragging across the screen like a plotless, black-hole vacuum sucking the life and spirit out of the audience. There are more laughs at a funeral.

My recommendation is that if you like the show, wait for this movie to come out on DVD so you can fast-forward through the slow parts (making this movie approximately 2 minutes long at that point).

Rating: .8 out of 10