Pathfinder

The only path this movie is going to find is quickest path to the Wal-Mart bargain bin. Take the worst elements of Beastmaster, Highlander, and The Last of the Mochicans and you've got yourself Pathfinder, or as I like to refer to it, a recipe for a steaming pile of excrement. And that's being kind.

Quick summary: Abandoned Viking child found in ship is raised by Indians. When he comes of age his fellow Vikings come back to settle on the Indian's land. Indian-Viking American teenager fights Vikings, gets captures and leads the Vikings through treachorous paths promising to take them to the Indian village.

First of all, why would Vikings blindly follow the path of the enemy in hopes that the enemy will lead them to their desired destination? That would be like asking a preacher for directions to the nearest crack house. He's not going to take me to a crack house, he's going to lead me to an intervention. The Vikings in the movie have about as much sense as the executives who green-lighted the film.

Now lets talk about Karl Urban (not to be confused with Nicole Kidman's hubby Keith Urban). Karl Urban is like a zombie who works out. It seems like the more muscle mass he acquires on his body he subtracts from his brain. Luckily the director was smart enough to not give him many speaking lines (kind of like the Keanu tactic in the Matrix). He gets to nod a lot and then swing a sword. Isn't that how Arnold got his start too? They call him 'ghost' in the movie, probably because his character is so two-dimensionally paper-thing that you can see right through it, much like a ghost. Karl Urban sucks like a Dyson vaccuum, with very little that can get in the way of its sucking.

The directing is lifeless, hollow, and extremely dull. There are about 4 5-minute action sequences that are mildly entertaining. That leaves 70 minutes of utterly painful dialague and drama.

Rating: 2 out of 10