Slumdog Millionaire

In my opinion, the best movie of 2008. For the majority of you who read my reviews, you probably haven't heard of this movie. It is an independent film by Danny Boyle (who also did The Beach, Trainspotting, A Life Less Ordinary). The film was entirely shot in India with mostly Indian actors too. I thought I was going to be the only person in the theater based on the obscurity of this film, but I was pleasantly surprised to find most of the seats filled at the AMC multiplex.

The film is about a 20-something Indian male who makes it on India's version of "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" The film starts by telling you that this man just won the $1,000,000 jackpot and asks you, how did he win it:
A. He Cheated
B. He was Lucky
C. He is a genius
D. It is written

Then the movie goes full-speed ahead from there. Probably the most ingenious storytelling device used in the movie is how the flashbacks from the man's life are tied into the questions he is being asked on the game show. As the questions progress through the game show we get to learn all about the story of this man's life from when he was a little boy until the present day. Then the movie all comes together at the end in one big finale, where all of the story lines finally come together.

This movie isn't everybody's cup of tea, but if you are looking for an original story that has a little bit of everything, then Slumdog Millionaire is the breath of fresh air you are looking for.

Rating. 9.5 out of 10

7 Pounds

It is going to be difficult to write this review without giving the mystery of the movie away. The movie is probably best summed up as a 2-hour-long Chicken Soup for the Soul story. The problem is that the story could have easily been trimmed down to 30 minutes and placed on the Hallmark channel.

Here is what one critic had to say from RottenTomatoes.com that pretty much sums up the movie for me: "With their latest collaboration, it seems as if [Smith and Muccino] were engaged in the pursuit of crappyness."

Another great insight from another critic:
"The pacing of the film is painfully slow that by the time one gets to the payoff at the end and understands what's going on, you may be fighting to remember what happened during the film if you stayed awake for it."

In my opinion, this may be one of the worst movies of 2008. And that's saying a lot considering the following other bombs that came out in 2008:
- 88 Minutes (Al Pachino)
- Bangkok Dangerous (Nicholas Cage)
- The Love Guru (Michael Myers)
- Swing Vote (Kevin Costner)
- Semi-Pro (Will Farrel)
- X-Files: I Want to Believe

Rating: 1.5 out of 10

The Day the Earth Stood Still

Keanu Reeves plays a hollow-shell of a human embodied by an emotionless alien...finally, they found a role where he can really show off his acting talent. And guess what? He's in a suit again. Matrix, Johnny Mnemonic, Devil's Advocate and Constantine. Would it be possible just once to have him star in a movie in something other than a suit and tie. They should just make a movie called "Suits" and write it for Keanu.

So if Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Truth" bred with Tom Cruise's "War of the Worlds", you would spawn a monstrosity of a movie. And you could name it "The Day the Earth Stood Still". It's like Will Smith's Independence Day only on Earth Day. The day that I want eco-friendly themes peppered in my action movies is the day that Gary Busey will be able to muster a sane thought.

I want my Sci-Fi to be bad ass. This is just bad.

Rating: 2.5 out of 10

Four Chistmases

This is a movie that most people will hate. It's way over-the-top, unneccessarily crude and the jokes require a special sense of humor. So you've been warned. Me? I loved it.

I think Vince Vaughn is a comedic genius. I'm not sure why. He's not a good actor and his jokes aren't really that funny, but there's something about him and his delivery that I enjoy. Reese Witherspoon did okay in the movie as his side-kick, but she's too good an actor to be doing over-the-top comedies. You feel like her talent is being wasted throughout the duration of the film.

Jon Favreau, playing Denver, had to be my favorite character. It's crazy to see the short, stocky guy from Swingers play a short, buff UFC fighter in this movie. This is the same guy that directed Iron Man and here he is body slamming Vince Vaughn.

There are better holiday films out there and I wouldn't recommend this movie to very many people, but I got a laugh out of it.

Rating: 7 out of 10

The Punisher: War Zone

Sometimes you just want a good action flick filled with guns, explosions and cheesy dialogue. Well, unlike Max Payne, The Punisher delivers. Directed by someone you've never heard of and starring another guy you don't know, Punisher somehow delivers that popcorn action treat of cinematic violence. It was like "Hostel" crossed with a Steven Segal film. Bad acting but enough ultraviolence to cover for it.

And when I say violent, I mean violent. 100 men dead, half of which suffer grevious headshots, broken bones and legs blown off to grenades. A man swirled around in a glass recycling bin that shreds him up faster than an onion in a Cuisinart. The Punisher hanging upside down from a bungee rope attached to a chandleaire using the kickback from his two machine guns to slowly spin around. And that's just the first 5 minutes of the movie.

I'm not saying it's good, I'm just saying it's entertaining. And the finale will not disappoint.

Rating: 5.5 out of 10

Transporter 3

How did Jason Statham become the action star of this generation? There is nothing action star about him. When you put him side-by-side with Arnold, Steven Segal, Jean-Claude and Stallone, he looks like a complete wimp. That's like making Warwick Davis (the main Ewok, The Leprachaun and Willow) an action star.

Shoot, why stop there, why not these fine actors for future action stars:
- Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin from Superbad)
- D.J. Qualls (Kyle on Road Trip)
- Neil Patrick Harris
- Andy Dick
- Hurley from LOST
- John Belushi

So, back to the review. Transporter 3 is the worst movie of the series. If you want to see a car drive on top of a train, drive on two wheels between two semi trucks or see a bad actor with no fighting experience deliver martial arts moves so bad they they are edited to death, then this movie is for you.

Oh yeah, and I forgot to mention the dialogue. The dialogue is bad, real bad. It feels like they took the dialogue from Twilight and accidently put it in this movie. It's an action movie, less dialogue, more car chases.

Rating: 3 out of 10

Bolt

I can sum up this movie review by simply stating, "My 10-year-old son did not enjoy this movie". If my son doesn't like it, there is no chance that I'm going to like it either. And it's true, I did not like this film.

In fact, this movie is so bad that I'm officially putting John Travolta on my list of actors who ruin movies. Everything Travolta has been in since Pulp Fiction he single-handedly ruined (i.e. Get Shorty, Battlefield Earth, Broken Arrow, The Punisher, Be Cool, Wild Hogs, Hairspray, etc.).

Other actors that ruin the movies they star in:

- Ben Affleck (Reindeer Games, Daredevil, Gigli, Paycheck, Phantoms, Forces of Nature, Jersey Girl, Surviving Christmas, etc.)

- Aaron Eckhart (Nurse Betty, The Core, Paycheck, Suspect Zero, The Black Dhalia, etc.)

Okay, back to Bolt. Disney made this flick and instead of the glorious Disney of yester years, now Disney feels like a corporate machine that will push out any crap to make a buck. If Walt were alive, he'd slap the Disney executives for ruining his vision.

Overall: Boring movie, lousy script, decent animation, poor directing, bad voice-acting.

Rating: 3 out of 10

007: Quantum of Solace

First off I've got to say, this is the stupidest Bond title to date. And that saying a lot because there are a lot of bad titles. For example, "Thunderball", "You Only Live Twice", "The Living Daylights"? The first one sounds like a sci-fi sports flick and the other two sound like failed soap opera titles. The latest title sounds more like the title of a article in the Scientific Journal than a bond movie. *whew* Now that that's off my chest.

I was a big fan of the last Bond flick. I think Daniel Craig is the best Bond yet. But this movie just didn't do it for me like the last one did. It was still an excellent movie, just not a superb as its predecessor.

For example, this line from the movie was horribly cheesy and should have never been spoken: "I want to set you free, but your prison is in here" (as she point to his head). Along those same lines I have got to say that this is the worst Bond girl yet. Boring. Cast Milla Jovovich as the next Bond girl.

Another example, the villain was poorly cast. I mean really, Bond vs. the wealthy, meek, skinny environmentalist. Dr. No had metal hands. Le Chiffre wept blood. Francisco Scaramanga (the man with the golden gun) had a third nipple. All Dominic Greene had was a smirk. Hardly the type of villain we come to expect.

But with all that aside, the movie is still very good.

Rating: 7 out of 10.

Role Models

You've heard this before: "The best parts are in the commercials". Well, this movie embodies that mantra. This movie should have gone straight to rental. The plot is about as dumb and they come.

Plot Summary: Two adult males act like they are still in high school. They have worthless jobs giving anti-drug speeches to teenagers through an energy drink endorsement. They get arrested and have to serve community service by helping troubled children. One child likes to live in a fantasy world playing live-action replaying at the local park. The other child is like the reincarnation of Eddie Murphey in a 10-year-old.

Sounds like a renter, huh?

The best one-liners in this movie, which is all the infantile writers of this film could muster all appear in the movie trailer.

My favorite conversation in the movie which happens at a coffee shop:
Danny: Can I get a large black coffee?
Barista: A what?
Danny: Large black coffee.
Barista: Do you mean a venti?
Danny: No, I mean a large.
Barista: Venti is large.
Danny: No venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact tall is large and grande is spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's italian. Congratulations you're stupid in three languages.
Barista: A venti is a large coffee.
Danny: Really says who: Fellini? Do you accept lira or is it all euros now?

That's pretty funny, but that's about all you get.

Rating: 3.5 out of 10.

Madagascar 2: Escape to Africa

As far as animated sequels go, this one is just about as good as its original. Ben Stiller isn't very funny, but the animation is beautiful enough to distract you from that. The plot is shallow and the characters paper-thin, but that's what we come to expect from mass-marketed children films.

You could do a lot better with Ratatouille, Cars or Wall-E, but if you've taken your child to see these movies more than 15 times, then give Madagascar a try to just break up the monotony.

Rating: 4 out of 10.

Zack and Miri

It's basically a rip off of the 40-year-old Virgin. It's about ordinary, nerdy people who are thrown into uncomfortably sexual situations. It worked better in 40-year-old because Steve is a great comedic actor.

Don't get me wrong, Zack and Miri is good, it's just not as good. It relies too heavily on shock value and not enough well-written dialogue. Which is surprising since the movie was written and directed by Kevin Smith (Clerks, Mallrats, Chasing Amy). He is usually known for his dialogue. But in this one, it fails more than it succeeds.

I do have to give credit to the intro to the high school reunion scene though. Hilarious! Warning: Not for the faint of heart or the prude.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10.

Saw 5

If you didn't like Saw 2, 3 or 4, then you probably won't like 5. Same plot, same cast, different deaths. Instead of talking about how good or bad the movie is, we should really be talking about how many more Saw movies they are going to make. Are there Vegas odds on this number? I'm guessing it will end at 7.

As a side note, this movie has made over 55 million to date. As a comparison, Jolie's Changling has only made $27 million in the 4 weeks it's been out; Oliver Stone's W. only made $25 million; Woody Allen's Vicky Cristina Barcelona only made $22 million. Tells you what movie goers are more interested in seeing.

If you haven't seen it, it's only worth a $1 rental at a RedBox, and that's only if you could stomach the other 4 movies.

Rating: 6 out of 10.