Screm 4

Synopsis:
Ghostface is back and no one is safe from his killing spree.  Also, see synopsis for Scream, Scream 2 and Scream 3 since they all have the same plot.

Favorite one-line review from a different critic:
“You know a movie franchise has lost its pop culture clout when it goes from creating the most popular Halloween accessory to successfully tracing the arc of Courteney Cox and David Arquette's failed marriage.” – Mike Ward -

My Review:
So let's take a moment and look at director Wes Craven's earlier films:
- Last House on the Left
- The Hills Have Eyes
- Swamp Thing
- The People Under the Stairs
- A Nightmare on Elm Street
- The Serpent and the Rainbow

Now take a look at the more recent films:
- Vampire in Brooklyn
- Music of the Heart
- Red Eye
- Paris, Je T'aime
- My Soul to Take

Do you see the pattern.  The first half are iconic films that for the most part have withstood the test of time.  The second half are films you wouldn't buy our of the Walmart bargain bin.  Wes Craven's has fallen faster than the Dow Jones Industrial Average.  His wit is about as sharp as a butter knife, about as on point as drunken monkey with a bow-and-arrow and about as insightful as a high school stoner telling everyone how stars really just flecks of salt that God has cast over the night sky.  His time has come and gone.  And now it is time for him to be gone.

That's not to say that Scream 4 isn't an entertaining movie.  The funniest part about the film is how it makes fun of itself.  But "Scary Movie" has already done that.   When the Wayans write a better spoof movie than your sequel, you know something is terribly wrong. 

So Wes, open up some film camps and help train the next generation on how to make a movie.  Then maybe instead of rebooting mediocre originals we can begin to create some new classics.

Rating:
5 out of 10

Suck Scale:
Entertaining, but still pretty sucky.

Insidious

Synopsis:
A family moves into a new house and their son accidentally falls and suddenly goes into a deep coma.  Shortly after, a series of frightening events happen and the family scrambles to understand the deeper meaning of the boy’s coma.

Favorite one-line review from a different critic:
“If there's a complaint to be made about Insidious, it's that the film's second half is unable to live up to the impossibly high standards set by the first half.” – James B. -

My Review:
I have to review this movie in two parts.  The first half of the movie is absolutely genius.  It has jarring sounds, jump-out-of-your seat terror and good old-fashioned haunted house tactics.  The first half is nearly perfect in every way.  Now the second half, that’s a different story.  Still jumpy in parts, but the story takes a turn that is more ridiculous than Orphan, Identity and The Others combined.  And the special effects seem like they were done by the Edmond North drama club.  Come on now.   It's like the directors ran out of movie half way through.

That’s not the say this movie isn’t worth watching.  It borrows its playbook from “Poltergeist”, one of the greatest horror movies of all time.  It also plays out a lot like “The Messengers” and “Boogey Man”.  Come to think of it though those are two movies you probably haven’t seen.  Probably the best part of the movie wass the audience.  They were really into it.  One teenager literally jumped out of his seat and cried out laughingly, I don’t want to watch this anymore.  Everyone laughed.  That’s what makes a great movie, when you can feel the tension in the crowd around you.

So it was a good time, a perfect first half and a low budget ending.

Rating:
6 out of 10

Suck Scale:
You get what you expect.

DVD Review: Black Swan

Synopsis:
A ballerina feels the pressure of becoming the lead and we get to go on the journey of her mental breakdown.

Favorite one-line review from a different critic:
“Fantastically deranged at all times, Darren Aronofsky's ballet psycho-melodrama is a glittering, crackling, outrageously pickable scab of a film.” – Peter Bradshaw -

My Review:
Darren does it again.  He takes a job that children dream of becoming and make it as vile and disgusting as possible so that no child will ever want to become that thing.  Case in point, “The Wrestler”.  After watching that film, no one will want to become a wrestler for fear of living alone in a trailer with a daughter who hates you.  Not to mention your how ugly, mangled and useless your body will become.  How about becoming a scientist like Hugh Jackman in “The Fountain”?  Where you can become so engulfed in your work that you neglect everyone around and live in the constant guilt of neglecting your wife and only realizing it after she dies of cancer and it’s too late.  And now, Ballet.  After watching Black Swan, why would any little girl want to become a ballerina.  I think Darren visits playgrounds and asks kids what they want to be when they grow up just to get his next movie idea.  So be prepared for Darren Aronofsky’s “The Firefighter”, following by “The Cowboy”.   I’m sure he’ll ruin those childhood dreams as well.

I’m not saying the movie is bad, I’m just saying it’s depressing.  This is one of those movies that I enjoyed but that I would not recommend for others to see.  It’s not a pop or typical Hollywood fare.  It’s definitely not a date movie. 

But it is raw and it will make you think.  And it is well directed and well acted.  So if you’re in the mood for some dark and eccentric, give it a rental.  If you are looking for a romantic, chick-flick, stay away.  Stay far, far away.

Rating:
8 out of 10

Suck Scale:
You’ll probably think it sucks, but I liked it.

DVD Review: Tron Legacy

Synopsis:
Sam Flynn accidentally ends up inside a computer world and runs into his dad and a special girl.  Now they must find a way out before the portal closes.

Favorite one-line review from a different critic:
“TRON: Legacy is shallow but beautiful, thrilling but unsatisfying.” – Tim Martain -

My Review:
This movie can be wrapped in 3 simple words: “Style over substance”.  If you want to watch a two-hour long, awesome music video set to some great techno music than Tron is for you.  If you are looking for an engaging and intelligent Sci-Fi thriller than sorry, try Source Code.  Tron is the kind of movie that you might find playing in the background of an underground techno club. 

Don’t get me wrong, there are some action sequences scattered throughout the movie that are breathtaking and unbelievable.  But then you’ve got to sit through the incoherent hippie banter of Jeff Bridges.  It’s a love/hate relationship.  It’s a lot like the remake of Speed Racer.  We had such high hopes that the directors of the Matrix were going to make this spectacular special effects extravaganza.  Then they did make that but they forgot to put a story in there somewhere.  Tron is the same way.  Let’s hope the sequel focuses more on the potentially great story line.

Rating:
7 out of 10

Suck Scale:
Story sucks, visuals are unbeatable.

DVD Review: Little Fockers

Synopsis:
The family is back together again for another round of dysfunctional family shenanigans.

Favorite one-line review from a different critic:
“...to quote from Twitter: 'I bet the Robert DeNiro of 'Taxi Driver' would shoot the Robert DeNiro of 'Little Fockers.' “ –Susan Granger -

My Review:
I enjoyed the first Focker movie.  It was fresh and fun, with some witty jokes and great slapstick moments.  The second film was alright.  Still fresh and fun but the jokes not as gut-busting as the original.  And now the third film, a complete waste of time not worth a dollar rental at Red Box.  Do you see where this is going?  If they make a fourth movie, I may protest its release as an abomination to film and cinema world.  This movie is so bad I might just add it to the list of movie posters located at the top of this site.  It’s actually so bad that I don’t want to waste my time reviewing it much more.

Rating:
2 out of 10

Suck Scale:
The nearly complete embodiment of a sucky movie

Source Code

Synopsis:
Captain Colter Stevens continuously relives an 8-minute span of time aboard an bomb-strapped train to find out who the bombeteer is.

Favorite one-line review from a different critic:
"Think Quantum Leap meets Groundhog day with intense action and nail biting suspense." - Chuck the Movieguy-

My Review:
The only thing I don't like about this movie is its name: Source Code.  In my mind it instantly conjures up an image of a computer programmer.  I half expected the movie to play out like Tron and Hackers.  I was wrong.  If Alfred Hitchcock made a sci-fi movie, it would play out something like this movie.  A great set of characters who are for once given a little bit of depth and personality (which is extremely rare these days).  And as a bonus treat you get a great, original story (which is also rare these days).  Another treat is that the movie requires a little bit of thought, which I personally enjoy.  And to top it off a solid ending.  It's everything I look for in a movie. 

What I'm most happy about is that even though the plot was similar to Speed, it wasn't Speed.  To summarize, I enjoyed it, some won't.  But I would recommend it if you enjoyed Inception, Paycheck, Next, Minority Report, Primer or Donnie Darko.

Rating:
9 out of 10

Suck Scale:
Didn't suck at all