Priest

Synopsis:
It’s like Legion: a crappy story, horrid dialogue and more cheesy than a block of Velvetta stuffed with ricotta.  But without the angels.

Favorite one-line review from a different critic:
“The God of Aborted Franchises will be pleased.” – Keith Uhlich -

My Review:
It’s not a good thing when you’d rather watch a Uwe Boll film than a Scott Stewart flick.  I was scouring the floor of the movie theater trying to find an unpopped kernel of popcorn to slit my wrists with.  And that’s really bad considering the run time of this movie is less than 90 minutes.  I have no idea how this film didn’t go straight to the sci-fi channel.  But I kind of doubt that sci-fi would even pick it up.  MegaGatorShark is a hundred time more entertaining (and has a higher production value).

You know how Firefly took sci-fi and injected a bit of Western into it, making it unique and fun.  Well, it doesn’t work with every sci-fi concept. Priest is the mix of Blade Runner scenery, Catholic themes, Vampires, and the Wild West.  Individually, all great things.  But this director mixed them all together like a little kid mixing sodas into a suicide drink.  All you end up with is a glass full of crap that no one wants.  That’s Priest.

Oh why oh why didn’t they do a Preacher movie instead?

Rating:
1 out of 10

Suck Scale:
Major suckage.